Want to live chemical free? Try Doctor Bacfarc’s Dark Matter Diet™!

ELEEMOSYNARY, WEST VIRGINIA — In the modern era, it seems chemicals are ubiquitous: in our air, water, even in the food we eat. That problem has many consumers worried, prompting people to take an active part in looking at what they are exposed to on a daily basis.

Bacfarc's Dark Matter Soup™. Try it today!
Bacfarc’s Dark Matter Soup™. Try it today!

“We’ve actually reached the point where humans are made up of as much as 80 percent hydrogen hydroxide,” says University of Northern West Virginia researcher Villam Bacfarc. “It is widely known that breathing hydrogen hydroxide can lead to almost instantaneous death.”

But it was looking at the labels of many food products that made Bacfarc start thinking about how he could help others. As adjunct professor of quantum nutrition, Bacfarc is widely read in all the latest research on chemical hazards in food. He was inspired by Dr. Mehmet “Dr. Oz” Oz and especially Vani Hari, AKA The Food Babe, who told ABC News, “When you look at the ingredients, if you can’t spell it or pronounce it, you probably shouldn’t eat it.”

Hari’s activism led the fast-food chain Subway to remove a common chemical used to condition its bread dough, and similarly has pushed unsuccessfully for boycotts on the popular Starbucks pumpkin spice latte. But Bacfarc doesn’t think Hari goes far enough.

“When you realize that ‘chemical’ means any atom or molecule that reacts with another through its electrons, you realize chemicals are literally everywhere,” says Bacfarc. “The only way to avoid chemicals is to avoid atoms.”

And that led Bacfarc back to his earlier research during his time at the University of Northern South Carolina (home of the Fighting Goliath Groupers). During the three years he taught there, he developed an entire theory of everything — which notably includes dark matter. While his research was interrupted for two years while he camped out in front of the offices of Physical Review Letters to convince them to publish his papers, he picked it up again recently.

“Famously, dark matter does not contain any chemicals at all,” he notes.

From what physicists can tell, dark matter barely interacts with itself, much less with atoms. To Bacfarc, that makes dark matter a perfect basis for a new diet. “It’s literally everywhere — 85 percent of all the mass of the universe is made of dark matter,” he says. “You can’t get more sustainable than that.”

Bacfarc’s upcoming book, The Dark Matter Diet, has a number of recipes, including classic dishes such as apple pie alongside entirely new creations like Invisible Soufflé. “I think people who are into the paleo lifestyle will love the Dark Matter Diet,” Bacfarc says. “It’s harder to get more paleo than dark matter — it’s downright primordial.”

Combined with vitamin and mineral supplements, the dark matter diet should provide all the nutrients a person needs. The benefits also include weight loss; says Bacfarc, “Food made with dark matter just goes right through you.”

The University of Northern West Virginia is located in beautiful Eleemosynary, just north of Wheeling. Contact us for a brochure!

One response to “Want to live chemical free? Try Doctor Bacfarc’s Dark Matter Diet™!”

  1. drunkenscientist Avatar

    Yea, they need to raise awareness about the content of hydrogen in water, too. It’s like vibrating and the water memory stops homeopathic remedies from being so effective. Lol.

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