I assigned my students to find three distinct horoscopes for themselves for today’s class, and in the spirit of participation, I decided to do the same myself. The fact that I know I’m a Pisces and a Dragon even though I’ve never been a follower of astrology and horoscopes shows how pervasive astrology is in our culture.

According to various horoscopes for today, “happiness reigns in the home”, probably because “what [I] have on offer isn’t angelic at all” and my “special person may find [I am] more than they can handle”. (I am also asked this question, I presume rhetorically: “How will people be able to resist the broad sweep of your eyelashes, fluttering like a pair of angel’s wings?”) On the other hand, “[w]elcome and even unwelcome surprises could be around the corner” (I guess that covers every contingency) and “[h]idden passions, fears, jealousies, longings, desires, or needs surface in [me] now and can stir up trouble in your closest relationships”.  I also will “demonstrate a great deal of understanding and sensitivity to the needs of others and [I] could be a great deal of help to people that face difficult decisions”. If I pretend to be a teenager, I’m supposed to do “something entertaining on Friday and Saturday. If the tickets cost more than you have, borrow money from a friend or parent.” (I can imagine my parents’ response if my teenage self had asked them for money because my horoscope told me to.) If I pay heed to my Chinese horoscope from one site, I “could be the subject of some rumors and gossip”.

Since I’m both a Fish (Pisces) and a Dragon, I evidently have a very contradictory nature when it comes to love. My Piscean nature makes me “almost magnetic in love, although [my] lover may not be sure just quite what it is that is so attractive”, while my Dragonish nature means “[p]ersonal relationships often take second place to a cause and career concerns”.

Personally, I find solace in my horoscope from The Onion: “Your life will soon lose all direction, which, considering how it has been going, should come as a vast relief.”